Things I should've said
by Lisa Boon
Summary: Letters that Sam wrote to Dean while he was at college.
1. Chapter 1

**(So I thought this would be an interesting story to do from Sam's point of view. If you want to think of this as a read along story with my fic 'Open me when' you can but both can stand alone.**

 **Letters Sam wrote to Dean while he was at college.**

 **I hope you like it.**

 **If you do please leave a review.**

 **Unbeated so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

 **I don't own** _ **Supernatural.)**_

It was raining. Sam thought it was supposed to be sunny in California, not rainy, but it had been raining for three days only letting up for an hour or so then right back to a light sprinkle or heavy down pour. Sam tried studying for his psychology test on Friday but the rumble of thunder was making it hard to focus. Finally he just gave up. Putting his books in his room and going into the living room he flipped on the TV hoping to have some cheesy humor or something to distract him. Halfway through some movie about a boy and a whale, Sam wasn't really paying much attention, he spied one of his spiral notebooks. Picking it up along with a pen he leaned up against the back of the couch his knees brought up so he could write. He had written the date in the top right hand corner then paused. Who should he write to? Bobby? No, although he had said he and his older brother Dean could visit anytime, his last memories of the guy Bobby was holding a shotgun saying he was going to fill John with rock salt. Not the best memory to a fourteen year old. So Bobby was out. Caleb was out as well, Sam didn't know the address for the hunter. That left John or Dean. Sam settled on Dean because although he was sure Dean was hurt beyond belief with what he did he felt that Dean would like to hear from him at least.

 _Dear Dean,_

Sam wrote.

 _Wipe that shocked look of your face. Yes this letter is real. I don't really know why I'm writing to you. I guess a letter is better than calling just because there would be less of a chance that you could hang up. I guess you can tear this up but please here me out first ok._

 _I wanted to say sorry for going to school. I thought you at least would be happy for me. I wish you would've said something to me that night instead of just looking like I killed someone. Dean hunting is not for me. I just wanted to be normal, I never got that chance to know that. All I've grown up knowing is how to kill monsters and lie. That's not what I wanted to do with the rest of my life._

 _Anyway, I just wanted to let you know why I went to college._

 _If you don't want to write back you don't have to._

 _Just thought you should have my address, just in case something should happen._

 _Your brother,_

 _Sam._

He looked at the letter and reread it. Yeah that sounded good. Short and to the point. He got up went into his room and dug around in his desk for an envelope and stamp. Finally locating them he folded the letter and sealed it. Then paused. He didn't know where to send it to. He doubted Dean would be seeing Bobby anytime soon. Sighing Sam took the letter and put it into a shoebox from the last time he bought shoes. It would be there for whenever Dean came to see him. If Dean ever came to see him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**(Chapter 2.**

 **Thank you so much to Lilybolt for your review on chapter 1. I'm really glad you like the story so far.**

 **This is unbeated so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.**

 **I don't own** _ **Supernatural.)**_

Sam really could've cared less about imaginary numbers. All he wanted to do was sleep. He had been up until eleven O' clock doing homework that he had put off then was to wired up from caffeine from the monster that he drank to sleep, he finally drifted off at one O'clock only to have his alarm blast out 'Ruby Tuesday' at five O' clock. Yeah, his classes today where going to be a blast. Pulling himself back to the classroom Sam sighed and tried to concentrate on what the teacher was saying. Right about then Sam really wished his brother was there. As annoying as Dean could be at times right about then he'd be doing something to keep Sam awake. More then likely flicking his ear or shooting spit wads at him. Annoying as hell, but at least Sam wouldn't be nodding off.

"Blah, blah, blah." Mrs. Bergh said, well no, not really but that's what it sounded like to Sam. He took out his notebook and pretending he was taking notes he started a letter to Dean to keep himself awake.

 _Dear Dean,_

 _Hey. How are you? I'm doing pretty good. Board as hell though, really wish you were here to keep me awake through this lecture about imaginary numbers, learning about them is about as much fun as being wendigo bait. Anyway, how's dad? Is he still angry at me? I hope not._

 _Yesterday a group of kids, myself included, went to the beach and had a cook out. It was pretty fun. One of the guys had an impala, a different year and colour though. His was blue and I want to say it was a 1970 year but I'm not 100%. Anyway, after the party died down a little I took a beer and sat on the hood of it, the car I mean, and looked up at the stars, like we use to do. I guess I fell asleep because the next thing I knew I was waking up to a beach sunrise with no one else around and seagulls looking at me like I might be breakfast for them. Makes me wonder how exactly they got me off the hood. I'm pretty sure I would've woken up if they pushed me off or if I fell off….guess it doesn't matter._

 _Anyway, the teacher's looking at me so I guess I better start taking notes for real and not pretending to or I'll get yelled at._

 _Stay safe ok._

 _Your brother,_

 _Sam._

Sam tore it out of his notebook and folded it up. Sticking it into his folder for safe keeping he sighed yawned again and started taking notes. He'd put the letter into the shoe box when he got home.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Thank you so much to PriWinchester, LilyBolt and Guest for your reviews on chapter 2.**

 **I don't own** _ **Supernatural.**_

 **Unbeated so all mistakes are mine and mine alone.)**

Sam tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn't sleep. Cars went by every now and again on the road that ran by the apartment and the ceiling would creak every once in a while from someone walking across the floor. His roommate snoring down the hall reminding Sam slightly of all the motel rooms that he had to sleep in growing up and he'd wake up and from the room next door he'd hear his dad snoring like a chainsaw. Sighing and sitting up in bed he fumbled around in the dark and turned on his desk lamp. Soft yellow light spilled from the bulb onto the built in white desk. Sam shielded his eyes against the sudden blinding light and felt around for a writing utensil and a notebook. Finally getting his eyes adjust to the light and finding what he was looking for he got back into bed and pulled his knees up and put his notebook against them and started to write.

 _Dear Dean,_

 _Well it's 10:30PM and I can't sleep. Too many sounds keeping me awake. My roommate snoring for one, sometimes I wake up and think I'm back in a motel with you and dad. Also I keep thinking that someone is going to try to break into the apartment. Don't worry, no one is. For one thing I'm on the fourth floor of a five story apartment, and for another, I put a door jam up on both the deck door and the door leading out into the hallway, plus I put some protection things around just in case. Mark, my roommate, thinks I have weird superstitions. Oh well. I'm pretty safe here so again don't worry._

 _I'm trying to think of what it was you use to do for me when I was little and I couldn't sleep. Besides tell me to shut up and go to sleep. I know you use to make hot chocolate when we had the ingredients and something else, but I can't think of it. Anyway I might go and make myself some hot chocolate, if there is any milk left._

 _Stay safe_

 _Your brother,_

 _Sam._

Sam re-read the letter and made a face. He was rambling in it and he wasn't really saying too much but he felt better. He folded the letter and put it on his desk ready to stick into the box of letters for Dean when he got back from making himself some hot chocolate.


End file.
